Auntie Golda
AUNTIE GOLDA’S ADVICE COLUMN
BY AUNTIE GOLDA
Beware from cheap imitations!
Ladies Gentlemens – Hello!! My name is Auntie Golda, and now that I’ve fully retired from the haberdashery business, I am able to give the fruits from my life’s many edumacational experiences for benefit of all my friends and acquaintances (Editor: is that right? Such a complicated word. Where’s the ‘v’? Maybe it’s silent).
With occasional help from Uncle Solly (when he’s not at the bookies or shluffen in front the TV or down the doctor about his condition) all your questions will be answered, all your problems solved. Auntie Golda says: Don’t worry, be happy, did you eat yet?
And while I’m on the subject of Uncle Solly, I have to say that he’s doing OK. On a scale going from “Fine” to “Don’t Ask” his health is hovering somewhere between middling and azoy, so that’s alright.
My spelling it’s not so hot so please forgive any mistakes in this transcribering.
This week’s question is about the game of bridge, which it seems is more popular in Bournemouth than chicken-soup in a mosque (well, that’s maybe not so popular but you know what I mean).
Anyway.
Mr. Fischbitz asks:
How is it possible to bid No Trumps when you don’t know which suit is going to be trumps. In other words how can you tell if you’ve got any No Trumps?
Auntie Golda says:
Now I think I know what ‘dummy’ means. Maybe you think a Grand Slam is shutting a piano lid? Perhaps you reckon that ‘ruff’ is the opposite of ‘smooth’?? It’s my opinion you should stop trying to master such a complicated game. Try something else. Maybe assist with knot counting at the tzitzit factory. Trust me, don’t strain your kappeleh. ‘No trumps’ doesn’t rhyme with ‘no chumps’ by accident.
Feh!
